Ever since the news of my unplanned, surprise pregnancy broke out in the first week of March; I have been planning to record every moment, every day, every feeling, every resolution on to paper. But it took me almost two months to finally get to doing it.
I was working on a commercial Hindi feature film in the key position of an Executive Producer and had almost signed my next one as a Creative Director with a very hefty pay check deal. Everything was going as per plan – great monies, great travel plans – two years of foolproof planning. And everything came crumbling down when the news broke. The next film was to be shot in the Himalayas in the month of October 2016 and I was due around the same time. There was no way I could have accepted the offer. And when we did the sonography, the radiologists made me hear the heart beats of the foetus… that made abortion out of question – that would have meant killing a life!
So then what next? What would happen to me? I was supposed to be this highly ambitious woman with big plans about my career. I had almost finished my script and wanted to direct it after the Creative Director jig. What was to happen to my life and my plans??? I was caught completely off guard!!
But I recovered! Rather sooner than what I thought I would!
Pregnancy brought along a very different sense of contentment that helped me take very sensible decisions. And not only me, even my husband, who was as much a part of this as me. I started embracing this new twist with a new found spirit and found myself making meaningful plans around it. Contrary to what I expected myself to do – not even once in these two months did I think that I have got stuck! Almost immediately I started feeling that this was the best time for me to be pregnant. I made new plans, new deadlines and started turning my life around my new body clock and moods.
First things first – That ‘almost finished’ script needed my attention for the longest time. And all those work plans that I had which were going to get me a lot of money were never going to fetch me the time to finish it. Just like how I had been sitting on my ‘almost finished’ manuscript for years, never sending it to any literary agent or publisher; the same would have happened to the script, never finishing it, never meeting any actors, never finding any producer, never making that film!! Only in the end – making money – doing things that I don’t particularly enjoy. And then complaining that I don’t have time to do those things that matter the most. So I did what I needed to do the most – Finished my script! I still cannot believe that my first draft is ready and how!!
Second I got myself the Writer’s Card that I had been procrastinating for almost five years and got my script registered under my name. Now I am going to meet the actors and do the other things that follow – till I finally make this film happen. All through, I kept on telling myself that an assistant director or a creative director cannot come to a film set with a child; but a director can — so this is a sign, telling me very strongly that now the time has arrived when I need to start heading in this direction.
Just when I was motivating myself and doing these small little things to keep me occupied and take me forward, ignoring the money deals I had lost; I landed upon this article by Karan Bajaj (a best selling Indian Author) – How to not let your dreams die after kids – http://www.karanbajaj.com/yoga-meditation/how-to-not-let-your-dreams-die-after-kids/. At 2:42 in the night, it made me feel like it was written to push me out of my slumber and make me start posting on my blog regularly – record my pregnancy and the things around it. Writing has been my calling since ever – and finally the time has arrived for me to explore it all out. Forget that money matters, forget that there are bills to pay, work to do, just fly with the flow – do what I enjoy doing the most – WRITE, WRITE and WRITE!!!
So today onwards – I vouch for my passion, and will dedicate time on daily basis to this blog – record my pregnancy and everything related to it. For me to express and so that it comes handy to all those ladies later – who would have questions and concerns and this could be the one place where they could get their answers and some ‘solace’…. And trust me there is lots that I have in my mind already – and a lot more that I have still not explored yet – that will find its way to this blog and more…..
Cheers to pregnancy! Cheers to new life! Cheers to a new blog!