My cousin has twins – a boy and a girl! The other day I went shopping with her and the kids. I must tell you it was quite something. Kids these days understand fashion from as early as 6 years. These two really had a strong say in what to buy and what not to buy. And they wanted to buy a lot more than what the mother had budgeted for. And that led to some arguments and tantrum throwing in the shop – leaving even the shopkeeper in shock! At such incidents, my notes’ diary immediately pops out and I record that observation to make mental notes about my parenting tricks.
Instantly, right in the shop only, I had made my mind that till a certain age I will not take the kids along for shopping. Or if at all I did, they would never know that they even have a say in it. They should feel that we are supposed to wear whatever our mom asks us to, without any questions or tantrums. And it is not so difficult I know because a few of my cousin sisters have been quite successful at that. Basically my child should be happy with what is being bought for him or her because there is no other way he or she knows to behave and feel.
But is all this so easy? Had it been so, would my cousin, the mother of the twins, have so much problem handling her kids and their choices?
It is not easy at all. You have to plan all this in advance. You need to build this up since always so that they do not lose track of how to behave with you and generally.
That night I kept on thinking what will I do? How will I convince my child that he/she needs to trust me for what I do for them and not throw tantrums?
And suddenly this idea came to me – felt like it was God-sent! (Though I haven’t tried it yet – the theory seems to be ideal!)
I will teach them the meaning of TRUST. They will, since a very young age, be told that they need to trust their parents that they will get them all that they need and is best for them. And as soon as the idea came to me, I tried to visualise how I will explain the meaning of trust to my child? How do you explain something so complex, something so deep to a child who knows nothing about life and trust??!??
I came up with some kid type examples in my head: The things I will tell my child:
1. “My child, do you feel that when you will be hungry the next time, momma will give you food for sure? Or do you think she will keep you hungry? This feeling of knowing that momma will give me food is trusting momma!!!”
2. “When dad picks you up with so much love and throws you in the air, you also laugh and enjoy, right?? Why do you do that? Because you know that dad is never going to let you fall. This feeling of knowing that dad will not let me fall is trusting dad!!!”
This made me realise that you need to push yourself to think how will you tackle your child and his or her problems. Just giving up hope and assuming that some kids are more difficult and mine is one of them – is basically ignorance and negligence!! You need to understand your child!! His/her mind is a blank slate.. it will learn all that you teach… it will observe and record all that you do… So watch your tongue, your actions.. They are seeing and are ready to emulate. And then, show them love and they will love you back – never letting you down!!