You wake up in the morning and can hear your husband doing the dishes in the kitchen. You shoot a sharp look at the clock on the side table. ‘Oh Gosh! It’s 7:30 already. I shouldn’t have slept so long! He must be getting late and must be wanting his chai!! But why is he doing the dishes? He should have woken me up!’ All these thoughts are fast pacing in your head and you storm into the kitchen. He has organised the dishes already and is almost ready to start making his morning cuppa. You question him, rather rudely, what was he doing there, couldn’t he wake you up instead. He feels a little offended. One, he tried not to wake you up and started doing things himself. And to top that, has to hear an earful for that. He still keeps his calm, “Relax, I wanted to have chai. Saw that you had put the tops of the stove for washing, so had to clean them – that’s it. What’s the problem?” “But why are you doing it?” “So what! You were sleeping and I didn’t want to disturb you!” “You should have. I don’t like you doing all these things when I am around.” “Ok fine do it now.” He stops and starts getting ready. But he is annoyed and so are you. And you, being you, the pregnant you; can’t stop but murmur some complaints – loud enough for him to hear it. And he comes storming in, demanding you to stop at once; accepts that it was his mistake that he wished to have chai this morning, and now he doesn’t want one anymore. Your mood immediately changes gear, now you want to make up to him. Because your intention was not to irritate him early in the morning, but simply ensure that you were around to give him a good breakfast before he left. But then what was he supposed to do? Should he have done the dishes or no? Should he have woken you up or no? Should he have had his cuppa of chai or no? What should he have done, that he did wrong, that made a mess of the morning?
Neither of you have the answers!
I say – neither of you need to have the answers. It’s just pregnancy doing this to ‘her’ and you – Mr. Husband, will have to, unfortunately, bare with it. She loves you. You love her. You’ll are in this together. She doesn’t know what is happening to her. You don’t know what is happening to her. No one knows why these things happen. But they certainly, invariably happen. Couples end up fighting for no reason, no fault, no catalyst, no need!
So all you Dads-to-be, you are neither going to get the baby bump, nor the morning sickness, nor the cramps, nor the body aches, nor the kicks, nor the sleepless nights and nor the labour pain or all that follows it. So all you need to do is be there. Be there for her, bare with her and most importantly don’t judge her – she is still the same woman – just love her. She needs it.
Quick guide to being a good Husband – the pre-requisite for being the good Dad ::
1. Love her (Hugs, caresses, kisses, ‘Love you’s and anything and everything that makes her feel loved.
2. Listen to her (All her stupid chatter, her ranting, her crying, her joking, her baby talk, her anxiety
talk – everything)
3. Help her with her work but pretend you never did anything (She will always know you helped. But she doesn’t want to feel she can’t do it anymore or she has become week – Hence, the pretence part)
4. Hold her hand while crossing the road (You might have always done this – but now when you will do it – she will invariably notice and love you more. And in her hearts, will tell her child how much she loves you and how much he or she should value their dad)
5. Do go for her check ups with her. (Be inside during the sonography also – she will be more happy if you saw the child moving than she will be to see herself.)
6. Remind her of her medicines and exercises (Go to the park for a walk together, pop medicines together – at times surprise her with a ‘your special’ smoothie or juice or cut fruits)
7. Touch the tummy, feel the baby (You may feel something, you may not. But trust me, she will feel good for sure. She wants you to love the baby, be there for him/her even now)
8. Give her a massage once in a while (It’s great if you can do it more regularly, but if not – as often as you can – Feet massage or a head massage. She may not say, but her feet are constantly craving for it.)
9. Eat meals together. (May be you get late at night or have to leave very early in the morning and don’t want her to be waiting while you are back. Ask her to join you with a cup of milk or a fruit, but ensure you two enjoy a meal together)
10. If you think she is low, act fast, distract her mind (Take her out shopping or to the beach or some movie – she needs it. She is low and needs you to be there. And in spite of an outing, there is an outburst in the night – let her cry her heart out and then hold her tight for a long time till she feels better. )