“Tum gande bache ho!”,
“Paas mat aana mere, ab mummy tumse ekdum naraz hain – chale jao yahan se!”
Do these sound familiar?? And at the same time repulsive??
There is always a lot of enthusiasm about welcoming the new member into the family around pregnancy – but soon that becomes a routine. In the initial years, everything is an adventure – from potty to burping to feeding to swaddling.. Even the fathers want to participate to change nappies and wash milk bottles. But as time passes, those sleepless nights start hitting to you. And then you start missing being your older self. But very soon, there is some movement in the house again – some crawling, some walking, some sounds and then some words. Again the excitement is restored. Videos start pouring in on daily basis to record all the landmark developments in the baby. But soon all that will also be over. The words, now sentences, rather endless chatter – starts echoing in the house, giving headaches. You are short of answers and they are full of opinions. You suddenly wonder why is their brain developing – why aren’t they simply following us like before. Why are they growing up so fast? And then, before you know it – you have reached the most difficult level of the game! You are in the trap. Your child is not developing motor skills anymore – your child is developing a personality. And this is your board exams. Now is the time when you are going to struggle to keep up your scores. Making the formula milk correct and keeping the baby sanitised and healthy was easy. Now is the time to keep the mind and heart healthy. And this is the time I dread the most about.
Every now and then, I see parents struggling with some or the other issues with their children. Either they are too naughty or too stubborn or too gullible or too cranky or watch a lot of TV or don’t eat well or misbehave with elders or something or the other. I strongly feel that the problem is with the parents and how they handle these things. Half the time – there is a denial that there is an issue they need to resolve. If at all there is acceptance of the issue – then it is in the form of a complaint of helplessness. There is never the determination to find the solution. “What to do they just don’t eat?” “No, no it is not that they are always misbehaved – today they were just tired so cranky!” “I tried everything – threatening and hitting even – nothing seems to bring a change in this rigid little monster!”
There must be solutions.
There have to be some resolutions!
And parents need to figure that out.
There can’t be any excuse of time constraints or hands too full in this matter. If the mother is unable to manage alone – the father needs to step in, in more ways than just paying bills or taking out on weekends.
How will I find my way out when my kid will just not listen or co operate – I still haven’t found the answer yet. But there are these few things that I have understood for sure:
One cannot anticipate how the child is going to react. But one can always control their own reaction as parents to their child’s action.
So, don’t see dreams for the child. See them for yourself.
Dream not about how I am going to ensure my child eats everything. Plan about how will I ensure that my child gets the right nutrition even if he or she decides to live only on toffies!
Dream not about how well behaved my child will be. Plan about how I will mould my child to either not develop wrong habits or rectify them in time.
Dream not about how intelligent my child will be. Plan how I will help him or her embrace their inner strengths and find the best means for them to prosper using them.
Your children are not your trophies – do not display them. They are your treasure – cherish them.
There is no denial that somedays the road will be really rocky. But vouch to hang in there. Never give up or never go overboard. Let your motto be to find the right balance. And then lets see what happens.
‘MISSION PARENTING’ it certainly is!! But I am happy the new generation tries different ways at least. I am happy I am exposed to this world of fellow bloggers, mostly mothers, who have poured their journeys onto their websites and also inspired me to do the same. At least – that gives us all these common platforms where we can come to vent and at the same time find solutions…