Gearing up to deliver when your partner is not around

Ever since you get pregnant; the one person you truly share this special experience with is your partner. You two have been in it together since the very first second. And most of you will be together till the end. All your ‘to do’ or ‘wish’ lists will invariably have something for the Dad – Be it during regular check ups, or helping you around the house, or doing something special for you, or massaging your feet, or posing next to you for your pregnancy photoshoots or taking you on a baby moon or being there holding your hand through the labour pains, or then at the end of it all taking charge of all the nappy cleaning.
But life has its tricks and sometimes it tests you in ways you may not have ever thought yourself to be equipped enough to deal with. But most often you surprise your own self and sail through successfully. One such life altering test could be ‘gearing up to deliver when your partner is not around’. Most of us, will never act special or pregnant with the world – we will hold up a regular or strong self – doing things yourself and doing them the way you have been doing it before. But with the partner, we like to be pampered. He is probably the only one truly bearing the brunt of all the mood swings or body aches. Any one else, even your mother, offering you a foot massage – you will pretend it is fine and you can manage. But with your partner, you may not feel the need to put up a strong self – you will be your most vulnerable and demanding you – forcing him to massage for extra ten minutes when he asks if it is enough.

So then what happens when suddenly, something leads to some tough decisions, and he happens to be not around anymore?
I don’t even want to get into the zone of permanently not being around – because that is going to be a completely different ball game altogether. I am talking of times when under some unavoidable circumstances, he has to be away for a couple of months and those months coincide with your expected delivery date. Hence, the time when you probably need him the most, he is not there. If he is probably in any of our armed forces and he is called on duty, or away for some work assignment which he just cannot skip, or has to take a study tour or something else – what do you do then?
Either you sulk and cry – be disheartened and frightened about what will happen – making it difficult for the little one inside to feel confident to come out all alone. 

Or you find your own little way out of it – confiding in your child – making her the part of the big plan positively. 

You only have these two choices!! And ideally, it is only the second one that you can or should chose.

So, as you chose the second option; you realise how instantly your child has started co operating with you. The little one, has already shared her father’s responsibility and decided to come to your rescue. If I may share my personal experience here, I was having acute lower abdomen pains every night and it was only when my husband would place his hand over it and caress for a few minutes, would I be able to get some sleep at night. Then there would be mid-night cramp attacks and again my husband would have to hold my leg and massage it for the pain to subside. And as the date for his going away for an assignment was nearing, I was fearing how I will be able to sleep in the night without him by me. But the very first night, I was assured by my little one in the most miraculous way that we would sail through this together without a worry. There was no pain that night and no cramps either. I cried to myself not because I missed my husband. But because I thought how wise and sensitive my little one was – it felt like she already could sense my worry and had taken it upon herself to come to my rescue. When actually it should have been the other way around. And since that day, till today; I have not had even a single complaint about sleeping peacefully at night or anything else for that matter. My child has been my companion, truly!!
This has reassured me that even the delivery time will be a cake walk. Each evening, as we two go for our walk; we promise to each other that we will together make that moment of her arrival into the world super special. We will be in it together as a team and make sure that the moment be the most special thing for the two of us in the world. Yes, the father is going to miss out and probably even repent about it for life. But, for you and the child – it will engrave itself as the most important and special time ever. So don’t be scared. Rather feel empowered. It is your golden chance to experience something truly magical. My mother read in the newspaper somewhere that some women in such cases become extremely bitter at such times and hold a permanent grudge against their husbands for all their lives. And this is mainly because they find the pain way too unbearable and themselves miserable. But why think like that. This is a special opportunity for you – giving birth! He may not be able to experience it even if he bargained the world’s riches in return. The Creator trusted you with this great responsibility, believing that you will truly value it – so don’t let it go waste because of some petty fear of pain. Because as they say, pain is inevitable but suffering is an option. Chose to cherish the pain and not suffer in it. And see how you will feel that the pain was never there in the first place.

A friend of mine was in labour for a good seventeen hours with the last three hours being extremely painful for her. Her sister, when talking to me about her, told me that in the end she had started muttering some gibberish words to combat the pain but still stuck in there – never gave up. And then, when her daughter finally came out, and she held her in her hands – all that she went through since morning was forgotten and the only thing remembered was how it was the most magical thing she has ever experienced in her life. A blissful tear rolled down her cheeks as she kissed the little one and felt a step closer to divinity.




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