“Lately I have not been watching a lot of films – thanks to my little one!” I would say with a lot of pride mixed with self-pity! Somehow, I find this very different, unexplainable kind of solace in this form of self sympathy – You know things like – my life has changed after he was born (And adding to that in a very soft tone – as though rubbing sugar over the cake – of course for the better I mean.) And I have also noticed that this is very common amongst the other new mothers I know as well. But this post is not about cracking the human mind in its weirdest expressions, it is about coming back to life.
Yes! So one fine night, after my darling son had gone off to sleep – I was super excited about finally getting to do something I had not done in a while – watching a movie on Netflix (watching in a theatre is out of expectation at this stage) I rummaged through the options and somehow ‘Julie and Julia’ caught my attention. And as the film unfolded itself, I felt Julie was so much me. We all, supposedly the above-average IQ people, have a lot of expectations from our own selves. And then there are days when we feel we have not lived upto it. And more than others, we are dreading facing our own selves – because we are feeling like complete losers. And she was one of them. And I am one of them. Just like her, I also have a Novel, half finished, written with so much passion, but now just standing atop one of those shelves, waiting for its turn to get out of there to embrace the world. And then one fine day, I had also started this blog to vent and rejoice. And slowly it had become such an important thing in my life. But then, all these things I had DONE sometime ago, what was I doing now??? Ever since I delivered my child and got busy showering him with love and my motherly service; I had somewhere lost my self. And every few days, that realisation that I was not being who I once used to be would hit back. And make me feel weird and lost and irritated with the world. But what was I really doing about it? Nothing, infant this blog; which was such a crucial part of my pregnancy journey – that also got lost in the process. And something, seriously needed to be done!
And then came Julie and Julia in my life. They kind of moved me out of my slumber – it moved me in many layers – and above it all it got me back to writing. Around the time of delivery, I had taken a break from blogging and had decided to hit back with double the passion and double the content when my baby is a little more than a month old – as then I would have had the first hand experience of the delivery and your life after that and so much more to write for. But things didn’t turn out the way they should have. I mean, my child did, THINGS didn’t. I got so absorbed in this overwhelming, ever so demanding, utterly loveable motherhood duty – that I didn’t have the time and just lost the inclination to do anything else. Each time something would catch my attention, or Kareena Kapoor would be in the news for all the wrong things – I would tell my self – this needs to be on Bumpy Miracle. But each time the feeling would fade away and I would simply procrastinate the whole season 2 launch. I had a new logo designed and a whole new set of ideas bubbling in my head. But the fingers were not meeting the keypad on my laptop to churn out the magic it once did.
BUT THEN, there I was, watching this film, and knowing very early in it; that at the end of it, I am going to get back to writing my blog.
And guess what? I ACTUALLY DID!
Here I am, writing my first blog post after the delivery of my child. And now I cant wait to write all the others. It has been nine months – I am no longer ‘just pregnant’, I am actually a ‘Mother’ now! And there is no way I am going to be able to explain this feeling in its full entirety or in a way that would give it real justice. All I can say is that life has changed forever and is never ever going to be the same as before. And there are simply no regrets about it.
Lastly, I need to say a big ‘Thank You’ to my husband. All through these three months he has constantly reminded me of this blog and how I should get back to it. And when I saw the film, I know exactly what that means. Each time a woman flourishes in her career, in her life – she certainly has been supported well by her partner! Both Julie and Julia had these incredible husbands who supported them in getting their life in place, doing what they loved the most and loved them like no one ever would have. And here I am, sharing that same privilege – living with this man, now the father of my child – who loves me so much and wants me to never stop being the expressive me that I have always been. Had it not been for him, I wouldn’t be half the person I am or half the mother that I am.
Last thoughts – So the journey begins yet again – new chapters, new life lessons, a new companion along and a lot of fun and joy!